Nothing is Normal
by GiggleSlut
Summary: "I'm very naked and you, you're VERY alarming." Nothing is ever normal in a world with mutant turtle men. Especially not relationships. A series of one-shots with an aspiring artist and a very angry turtle. 2k14 based, but whatever.
1. Awkward Meetings

**I tried to do a whole complete story arc years ago, but not only do I have a really hard time keeping a consistent story line because different scenarios jump in my head all the time, but I hate my old character. She is a regret that I have scrapped. So here's a new one, a more realistic one, and here's a bunch of collective one shots in time I'll do when I have time (Which is a thing; yay graduating). It'll have a flow, but I won't have to keep exact story lines together. Weee.**

Raph knew April had told them her cousin was staying with her for a few weeks, but that was a month ago; he was certain the nuisance had left by now, or at least that's how he'd justify it. The turtles had barely been able to visit their friend since she'd told them the news, and he was determined to drag her down to the lair for Mikey's proposed movie night, even if she came kicking and screaming. So, when he scaled the fire escape to the window of April's living room and climbed in, he was a little surprised at who walked out of the bathroom at that moment.

Dana never expected to come out of her shower to some enormous green man-thing in her cousin's living room, so she found it completely understandable to let out an ear-shattering shriek as she clutched her towel closer to her. What was he here for? Did he break into the house? Why was he just standing in the living room if he was a burglar? WHY WAS HE GREEN? After recovering from having his eardrums destroyed, the large, like magic steroid large, green man-beast growled out at her.

"What, you gonna faint 'cuz a monster's in your place?" He looked like he was used to this kind of response, which made sense to Dana, all things considered. She opened her mouth to answer, sputtering nonsense until some semblance of thought came through her mouth.

"Well, no!" She stammered, "but, I, I'm very naked and, you, you're VERY alarming!" Wow. That sounded stupid, she thought, great first impression. He chortled, not expecting such a stupid answer to come from the white-faced girl in front of him. As if by magic, April entered from her bedroom, stopping dead in her tracks as she became aware of the situation unfolding. She turned toward the big green bulge, that's what Dana had decided to refer to him until she had a name, and glared. Dana was confused; just a glare for a man who entered the house through the fucking window? April then turned toward Dana, rubbing her temples.

"You're gonna want to get dressed before we start explaining things. He's friendly, I promise. Well, kind of." The bulge scowled in April's direction, clearly very unaccepting of being talked of like some kind of pet. Nonetheless, Dana turned on her heels to the spare bedroom to quickly change and dry off. This was going to be a weird night.

After Dana had made her self publicly appropriate, she came back into the living room, seating herself cautiously in the armchair at the opposite end of the couch where the bulge resided and let him and April explain. It turned out that around last year, they'd met in a scenario that sounds like an action movie; the bulge, whose name was Raphael, which was a very fancy name for a mutant turtle ninja man, which is apparently what he was, and his brothers are vigilantes and saved April and a bunch of people in the subway and yadda yadda, they ended up saving New York from this Japanese gang thing. Dana had never expected April to get into that much trouble, but apparently anything is possible. The younger girl sat in silence, too shocked to process very quickly. After a few minutes, she turned, brow furrowed, to Raphael's direction.

"There are 4 of you?! Where do you hide, on the moon?!" She knew that was dramatic; this situation called for it. Raphael snorted.

"No, princess. Think much lower. Listen, you better not go around tellin' people about us. Others ain't as friendly when they see a giant turtle, understand?" He huffed, turning his attention to April after he received a furious nod from the new girl, "Anyway, I came to ask you if you wanted to come down to the lair; Mikey's havin' a movie night, but seein' as you got company, I'll get outta your hair." He rose to leave, when Dana jumped up, possessed by the weird need to see his other brothers.

"Wait! I can keep secrets, and, uh, and I'd like to come down with you guys. Right, April?" April raised a dark eyebrow, simultaneously confused and annoyed with her cousin. She didn't quite understand why she wanted to go, nor did she want to have to mediate any argument that broke out with Raphael. Surprisingly, the turtle rolled his eyes, and actually chuckled.

"Not tonight, princess. But I'll tell you what, you keep our little secret and I'll think about it next time. I'll see you later, Ape." He had to head home and deal with explaining his fuck up as it was, he didn't need to babysit, too. He crawled his way out of the window and made his way to the rooftop, hearing a loud voice from where he'd just come from as he left,

"My name's Dana, by the way!"


	2. Learning

**Jesus Murphy. I meant to finish this and have it done by 7, but after my job interview I ended up sleeping. Oops. Anyway, I wrote half of this during work on receipt tape, I kid you not, so this could be very dumb. Uhh. I thought it would be good to get to know this little creature before getting her down to interact with,** _ **gasp**_ **, more turtles. Sorry for the lack of April in this one, seeing as it is her apartment. I promise not to ignore her too much, but I keep sending her out on errands. Anyways, enjoy, maybe even follow it, or perhaps review it?!**

For several weeks after his run in with Dana; after his ear ringing lecture and a week of every chore imaginable (his honesty, mercifully, had spared him time in the hashi), and the world had returned to it's usual dulled pulse, Raph would stop by April's apartment. He'd gained a good friend in April and he wasn't going to let some doe-eyed girl keep him away.

Raph had not, however, expected to get to know Dana. She was persistent, like a child wanting to know her big sister's secrets. She had a new round of questions every time he came into the house; what was his family like, why hadn't they visited, what his hobbies were, interests, everything. She wouldn't shut up.

At one point, when she was asking some long winded question about his sais, he got fed up with her pestering and couldn't help himself.

"Do you ever shut up?!" He was louder than he expected to be, and Dana jumped back farther from her perch on the counter, a little of her coffee spilling to the floor. She paid no mind, keeping her frightened attention on the large turtle seated at the table.

He honestly felt a little bad now; he hadn't meant to scream, just get her off his case. He leaned back as she suddenly took a deep interest in her nearly empty mug, leaving the room quiet, with the exception of the shower running in the adjacent room. After a few agonizing seconds, Dana piped up, gently.

"I'm sorry. I just, you seem really interesting and I wanted to know more about you. I guess I got a little too excited." She sighed, sliding toward the sink to dump the rest of her coffee down the drain. Now he felt like a jackass. Deciding quickly that he wasn't going to leave her in awkward misery, he said the first thought that came to mind.

"Hey, Princess, how about you tell me about you." She furrowed her eyebrows confused. Hadn't he wanted her to stop talking a few minutes ago?

"I thought you didn't want me to talk. That seems a little counter-productive." He rolled his eyes; was there no pleasing this chick?

"Well, I wanted you to stop talkin' about me. I don't like playin' 20 questions. Now come on, tell me somethin'." And she was off. She spent the next week telling him things about her life. At first, she struggled to come up with things to talk about; someone had just asked her to talk about herself without any guidelines. That was a lot to ask of a person. After the first two or three days, it became easier to just say more things about herself in passing. He had this way of telling her he was ready, as well, leaving the talking up to his decision.

Raph hadn't expected to ask to hear about her after the first day; he did, after all, only use it as a way to stop being asked stupid questions. But, the more he came over, the more he found himself waving a hand in her direction, signaling her to continue. He learned that she'd just graduated high school, and was barely 18. He learned she was from a small town in Pennsylvania, where she took dance lessons and played an instrument, which she said she'd show him later. He learned she moved to New York to get into Juilliard, but she just wanted to get into some dance school in the city. He also learned more about her personality from letting her talk. She got over excited sometimes, which explained why she was so determined to know him and see him; he was a new, fascinating thing in her life and she wanted to keep that interest. Once she settled down and seeing a nearly seven-foot turtle became normal, she was much calmer. She was very cool and collected, and her jokes were very dark and often sarcastic. One time, she actually had him guffawing when he asked if she was drinking coffee and she looked up, muttering, "No, I'm drinking the blood of my enemies." It was a dumb joke and they both knew it, but it was made funnier by a wide eye roll from April. Dana was also very easy to frustrate. One particular night, Raph waltzed into the apartment to find Dana lightly punching her fists into her keyboard.

"What'sa matter with you?" that was oddly violent of her, as weak as it was. She muttered something about at least not having to learn to roller skate, and shoved her laptop to the side of the couch.

"This is my third job rejection and I really need money so I can, y'know, live?" She slumped into the cushions, grabbing the rest of her coffee and chugging it down. He still couldn't figure out why she had coffee so late, but that wasn't the focus right then. He moved her laptop to the coffee table and sat down, peering sideways at her.

"You'll find a job. Plenty of places need people; give it time." He spoke gruffly, folding his arms over his chest as she huffed, heaving her shoulders forward. It was silent, but she very quickly leaned over and hugged him; as if he was going to disappear if she wasn't fast enough. Her arms came around just under his own, across his lower chest, and she couldn't even get halfway to touching her fingers together.

"Thanks, Raph." She mumbled quietly, almost like a child. He briefly considered returning the hug, but opted to pet down her long hair, which had wildly managed to find it's way into his face.

"No problem, princess. Now, do you mind getting' your hair outta my face? It don't taste too good." She snorted, leaning back and simultaneously taking all of her hair into her fist. She grabbed a tie off the table and pulled it back into a high ponytail, her blonde locks still falling halfway down her back. At that point, April entered the door with pizza and a liter of coke, and the conversation was abandoned in favor of stuffing faces, of which Dana did excellently.


	3. Family Ties

**Guys, guys I'm sorry. Life got so weird. I'm pretty much always working and dfhmgm. It's okay though, because I'll make it up to you. This chapter is so fucking long. Ugh. Is it weird that all of a sudden I feel awful for making this 2014 based? Like, I adore all the incarnations, and 2014 makes the least amount of sense origin wise and wasn't the best movie, but I got hooked on it. I don't know, I liked the character work on the turtles, but I'm trying to bring back more of the sassy 2003 April and I might try and bring back elements from the older series' as well, but I couldn't help but adore the new turtles. It's a damn weakness. Whaterr. Thanks for the reviews, all you lovely humans. :'D**

April had decided she was going job hunting with Dana. Despite loving her cousin, April had limited funds, and feeding two people and the occasional turtle or four was becoming pricey. She dragged Dana to every help wanted sign she could find, picked up every application she saw, and had made her homeless little companion print out more than enough copies of her resume, which mostly contained high school internships and back up gigs. Oi vey. After what seemed like forever, Dana had about 30 applications in her purse to fill out and bring back, but still had more than half of her resumes left. They'd just missed hiring season in preparation for summer, so most of the hiring signs were in the process of being taken down and many people had simply turned them away, having too many employees to consider. Dana was growing hopeless and dreary, and April could understand. She'd just gotten a new job a few months ago after being laid of from Channel 6 news, and she wasn't exactly thrilled. She'd managed to find a smaller news station, even though Vern had offered to help her try and get her job back. She hadn't wanted to risk his job in the process, so she resorted to building her resume before she even thought about approaching Thompson again. Dana groaned from beside her.

"I'm never getting a job. I'll just have to live on the street and find a good cardboard box for a house. I'm going to die hungry in the streets." God, she could be so dramatic. April shoved her cousin's arm lightly, rolling her eyes.

"No you're not, dumbass. I'm not going to let you go jobless or homeless. You're family and I'll keep helping you until you get on your feet. You'll just have to take me out for expensive meals once you have a paycheck." She smirked when Dana shriveled her nose at her.

"What am I, your future sugar mama?" They laughed, stopping by the curb to wait for the cars passing by. Just then, April's phone went off. Without even glancing at the caller ID, she answered.

"Hello? Mikey! How are you?" April went off into a conversation with the person at the other end of the line and Dana had to think for a minute. Mikey? She'd heard that name. She pondered for a minute before it came to her. Michelangelo! Right, she almost forgot that there were three other turtles, considering she'd only seen one of them. She heard a loud voice on the other end of the line, very teenage sounding. There was something about missing his "baby cakes" and begging her to come visit later, to which April laughed.

"Sorry Mikey, but I still have D-" Dana jumped at the opportunity.

"Wait, wait. Can we please go down? I want to meet the others! I'll be good I promise and I won't tell anyone, and I probably won't even remember how to get there after because I'm terrible with directions. Please, please, please?" Dana begged to her cousin, looking up through her eyelashes, and jutting her lip out. April looked at her, like the 'do I look like I'm your mother?' look, and blocked the receiver with her hand.

"Are you 12? That doesn't work on me. Plus, I don't know if they'll even want me bringing you down there." April had a point, but Dana was determined to win this argument.

"Can you at least ask? This has been the worst day ever and I really think this would make me feel better." She smiled coyly as April considered her suggestion. At this rate, she was going to have to meet them one way or another, Raphael had, although accidentally, made sure of that. April sighed and turned back to the phone.

"Mikey, can you do me a favor? Ask me how Splinter would feel about meeting my little house guest?" Simultaneously, she heard Mikey and Dana 'eep' at the same time in either ear, cringing. Just what she needed, two over excited teens. She heard Mikey practically dump the phone on the table as he ran to Splinter's room and scream out the question, following with a slew of "April promises she won't tell anyone where we are and she's good with secrets because she already knows Raph (duh) and puh-leeeeeease?!" Splinter's answer was too quiet to make out, but when she heard Mikey come racing, very un-ninja like back to the phone, she was pretty sure of the answer.

"Splinter said yes, but he made me promise to do the dishes so I have to start now! I'll see you tonight! Bye, babe!" He hung up without giving her a chance to ask what time, so she just assumed she'd head down by 9. She turned to see Dana, wide-eyed in anticipation.

"He said yes. Let's-" there was no time to finish, since Dana had already tackled April in a death grip of a hug, spewing out "Thank you" repeatedly. The older woman pried the other off.

"What I was trying to say, was let's go home and get some of those applications filled out before we head out. We started out productive; we're not going to stop just because we have plans in a few hours. Understand?" Dana rolled her eyes, lightly hitting April's shoulder before readjusting her bag's strap on her shoulder.

"I'm not 12, y'know." April merely responded by ruffling Dana's hair sending her ponytail into a frizz fest.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me!" Of course it had to be a sewer, Dana thought, it couldn't be just some shady ass house. After getting through half the stack of applications (with more than a little help from April copying down half of the information needed on each), Dana had just enough time to change into something a little better for first impressions, and, as April insisted, some shoes she didn't mind getting wet. Dana was confused at first, it wasn't supposed to rain that night, but as soon as April opened up the manhole after walking a few blocks down to an abandoned alley, Dana went white with realization. April rolled her eyes, descending down the ladder. If Dana wanted to be part of this friendship, she was going to have to get used to getting a little dirty, gross as it was.

"Just follow my lead and you won't get that much on your feet." Dana mumbled something about unsanitary conditions, but began descending after April. Once the manhole was securely closed and the two were on the ground, they began their journey, following the twists and turns that the boys had taught April when she had begun coming down more often. After what seemed like forever to Dana, and by forever she meant 25 minutes, they stopped in front of a wall; Donnie had installed a civilian entrance when he realized the small jump down the pipe for the brothers, was quite a leap for an average sized woman. She punched in the code, pulled down some sort of lever made out of an old pipe, and suddenly the wall began lifting upward. Dana's vision was suddenly flooded with light. There was a large main room with several couches and seats surrounding a large TV and as she entered she noticed a kitchen to her left. A hallway extended down the left after exiting the kitchen, what she presumed were the bedrooms, and several alcove rooms spread in multiple directions from the living area. She decided she would go on a hunt through the different hallways at a later time, but right now, she needed to scope for turtles. It didn't take long, as the first turtle came bounding to the door. He was smaller than Raph, only coming to about 6'2" and built a little more like a surfer. He looked younger than Raph as well, his baby blues the brightest Dana had ever seen, and a light sheen of freckles across his face. As soon as he opened his mouth, Dana was positive this was Michelangelo.

"Hey angelface! I missed you so much and you've been gone for so long! I thought you forgot about me." Dramatic, just as Raphael had described, although Dana thought it was much cuter than the older brother clearly did. Mikey pulled April into a gentle squeeze, said woman giggling as her youngest turtle showered her in affections. After their proper hello, April nudged him in the direction of Dana, who stood, an amused grin on her face.

"Mikey, this is my cousin Dana. Dana, Mikey." Mikey came forward, taking Dana's petite hand gently, looking almost mesmerized at Dana's face.

"… What? Is my nose broken?" Dana was excited, but the intent staring was getting uncomfortable. Mikey slowly broke into a smile, shaking Dana's whole arm in excitement.

"Raph was right, you do look like Rapunzel! And you're so tiny!" Dana's eyes squinted. Are you kidding me?

"Don't you call me princess, too. Unless you like things thrown at your head." Raph was at least 3 of her, but Mikey, Mikey was small enough to challenge. She would win at least one of these battles. Mikey snickered, leading the ladies to the living room and giving a quick little glancing tour to Dana, when Raph stepped out from the bedroom hallway. He grumbled something about replacing his punching bag, until noticing the two women. Dana wasn't sure, but she could have sworn she saw him smile, just a little bit.

"Hey, Princess, didn't I say I'd tell you when you could come down? Hey, April." Dana proceeded to stick her tongue out at him, to which he snorted ever so quietly.

"Actually, your father, I think, said I could, so ha!" He resorted to walking by and patting her head gently. She was about to continue her bickering, but two more large turtles, a taller, lankier one with glasses, and a slightly shorter one wearing bamboo armor, came out with a giant talking rat. Dana jumped lightly, she'd forgotten their, father?, was a humanoid rat person. She'd have to get used to that. He looked at her, kindly, welcoming her to their home and asking everyone to take a seat for dinner, as Donnie, who Dana assumed was the lanky nerd boy, had already gotten dinner. It was weird, sitting in on a dinner with four turtles and their rat father, while her cousin joined the conversations as if it was the most natural thing. Dana hadn't expected things to feel so normal and look so, well, fascinating. But here she was, slowly joining in on conversations, learning about Mikey's comic books and Donnie's experiments; Leo's new katas and Splinter's favorite Soaps. It was nice; she could get to know them without having to pester, seeing as the last turtle she did that to ended up getting annoyed. Speaking of said turtle, he was rather quiet, mulling over his pizza with his trademark scowl. She'd have to remember to tell him he had resting bitch face, it would be rude to swear in front of everyone she'd just met. Following dinner, Mikey suggested a movie, and they all flocked to the living room. Raph took a corner on the couch, and Dana plopped down next to him while Mikey fetched the "required movie snacks" and Donnie set up the big screen.

"So, I guess I went against the rules. I owe you; next time you come over, I'll let you peek at my bass." Dana smiled as he shifted to look her, raising an eyebrow as he gave her a small smirk.

"So that's what you play, eh? Gotta say, I was expecting something more interesting, like an oboe or some shit." She shoved him and he suppressed a laugh. He never thought she'd be so easy to get along with.

"Just wait, I'll show you how good I am and you'll feel real stupid for comparing it to an oboe." They both laughed quietly and continued talking gently as the menu for whatever ridiculous action movie came up. Dana remembered later, after the movie, to tell him he had resting bitch face, rather than a nice good-bye like she gave the others. He merely responded by casually flipping her off as he closed the door. Yes, Dana thought, this is the start of a marvelous friendship.

 **Guys, this ending is so lame and precious. I have a list of things to do. They will be done. I can't promise when because I start my second job next week. We'll see each other soon, though.**


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